Impressions...

Life is all about people. Connections and consequences. The impact of one another on one another. I am an observer of life. I observe people around me not just because they take a part in the journey, but because they help me to understand me better.  Some come along with me for short period of time, and some quite long. Along the way, I read their behavior and I predicted many things. I predicted their next move, so it happened. I let few things influence me, it happened. I let few things affect me, so it happened. All without them knowing.

In my short lived life, I have encountered different people. Different at different times fulfilling their given roles and at times, some even volunteering roles, unminding of the suitability of the roles. We never know why and how we encounter them in our life. For some strange reasons, I sense.

Entertaining, serious, innocent, blissful, careless, self centered, utterly selflessness, and many more, finding meaning of their life through various means and ends. Those who mind the ends, don't mind the means and vice versa. Thirst for knowledge, thirst for wisdom, thirst for making some mark in history.  On the contrary,  thirst for short lived pleasure, thirst for materialistic life.  Well, I reserve my comments.

Its like reading books.Some are to be with us for ever, some are to be admired, some are to be followed, some are to be seen from afar, and some are not to befriended, at all. Few years ago, I encountered a person, and I prayed that I should never meet anyone anymore in my entire life.

But, you wouldn't know until you get to know the person in a closer proximity. And your expectation may go wrong, if otherwise happened.

I did learn some lessons along the way, never to be repeated. I believe some people come in our life as a instrument to tell us something- to teach or to remind or whatever.

Well, having said that, had it not been for the differences, don't you think, our life will be bored with similar characters? But still...I really don't know.

Birthday Celeberations.....A big deal?

I don't believe in celebrating birthdays, I mean mine. And I used to wonder what is a big deal in celebrating one's own birthday. But, this year I decided to make it different to compensate last year.(Last year perhaps was the  worst ever in my life!)  


The first birthday which I celebrated, in the sense with cakes and candles, was few hours ago, in the recent past. I was in Ipoh, my uncle(one of my lights) surprised me with a cake and a small gathering. Guess what? That was the first time I cut cake on my birthday! I remember I blew the candles before making a  wish. By the by, why do you have to make a wish on your birthday? Anyone please!.


Every year in Kuching, I am put in a place where not celebrating is almost next to impossible. Payal, Ayyapan Sir, (Sir, I am still waiting for my Almond bar!) Chris, Sudha and, of course, my dear debaters filled my birthdays and my memories which continues until today. 


This year, I really wanted to avoid and planned to be out of Kuching. But, things won 't happen as we plan! Someone wished me the previous day, first wish:), kutti started asking me like a week before(even instructed me to get sweets), Margaret insisted that I made sure I enjoyed the day and not to worry about making the world happy, and Fatimah had plans for my birthday. As a sign of respecting their feelings, I changed my mind.  For one good reason. I mean something to them. 


Yeah, pretty much. I mean a lot to few, I mean so much to some, I mean something to some, I mean nothing to some. I accept all. You can't mean everything to everyone, can you?

While attending calls and replying text messages, I was thinking that birthday celebrations do mean something, and I am lucky to be around with friends like this. I could only care less for the rest. Actually speaking, birthday celebrations are not so much about wishes, cakes, cards but it is pretty much about the thought, thought of someone, thought of making that someone happy. And the real happiness lies in making your loved ones happy, if not the whole world which you can't for that matter. 

Divine and Michael visited me not knowing it was my birthday - co incidence! Fatima came with her crew and with a big cake. Later, some of us went for a movie.

A birthday song over the phone from the far end of the world, and my cute nieces wishes,  students visit made my day.

I respect those respect me, the rest? I leave it you. No regrets!  I have miles to go before I sleep and promises to keep, so I can't afford.

My new identity ...African..

I was given a new identity - African. Am I?

Just came back from  Toastmasters meeting at AZAM Club. It was unusually long, the meeting was over almost at 10.00 pm. We were having coffee at the open place outside the meeting hall. Kym's daughter and I were having a chat. A young guy appeared and stood in front of us. We looked at him questioningly. He introduced himself and asked me," Where are you from?" "India" "Oh, if not for the (he pointed at my forehead - 3rd eye) and your outfit(salwar) it would be hard to believe you are Indian"  Huh? We both looked at him surprisingly. I cleared his doubt, "I am from India, not .........." "Yes, I know." he didn't let me finish my sentence.

I was intrigued.  He said that I looked like African. Interesting! Of course, I do have students-friends from Africa. Have they influenced me?!

Cut the long conversation short - my accent, my complexion, my presentation- the way I carry myself, (I was the General Evaluator)gave him the conclusion.   He continued, more specifically I looked someone from Jamaica or Yemen..etc. He said I look fairer for South Indian but not so fair to be a North Indian. Really? I wish he could visit India once.

We were just talking and in the middle of the conversation Alex joined and called me white Indian.

There is no big deal in me being an African or Indian or whatever. It doesn't make any difference as long as I am human, in every sense of its word.

Deepavali Celebration....

Like happiness, celebration is a state of mind. When you are happy, the energy flows. It multiplies your happiness. And Celebration  becomes meaningful.

Yesterday was Deepavali. This year I wanted to celebrate? it in a way I wanted, which is, not to celebrate. Few reasons which I leave to myself.

Celebrations bring magical memories back to our life.  My first Deepavali was, if I could remember, when I was somewhere 5,6, or 7. I can't exactly remember the age. But I remember the moment. Still fresh, very fresh in my memory. There are many Deepavalis came and went, every year it was different. It was different in the way we approached it, in the way we celebrated it.

We should never skip celebrating Deepavali, according to our beliefs. Even the poorest people, who can't afford to buy a lot of things to mark the celebration, will find a way to celebrate it in the simplest form, at least. There must be some sort of activities in the name of celebration.

This is my sixth year Deepavali in Kuching. The first year here was supposed to be alone, if not for my house mate. She wanted both of us to celebrate it with a fellow Indian family. Though I was not so keen in the idea, I agreed and we celebrated with our friends. After all, without people, where is the celebration?
And after that, almost every year, I went to Ipoh. There would be always be either dinner, lunch or high tea at my place. Last year, I think we invited almost up to one hundred.

Yesterday afternoon, while I was fixing something in the room, Ika visited me, followed by Mo and later by Mitch. I prepared simple dinner. This morning, my friend asked me, while we were chatting, if I celebrated or was it another day.

Yeah, it would have very much been another day, had it not been for my debaters!

Education in Competition - is it healthy?

Education, in its essence is to impart knowledge. Wherever you are and whoever you are. And the fundamental principal of education is to eliminate differences, difference of all kinds.  It remains an unanswered question to me the way the higher learning institutions treat each other, here- as competitors.

This Monday, one of my fellow Toastmasters mailed me asking if I could help her in a Public Speaking Workshop which is organised by a leading college, this weekend. Though, there is an important festival on the specified date, I offered my help, simply because it is Public Speaking. But still, knowing the organizer to some extent, I was expecting some sort of reaction in my involvement.

The next day afternoon, I laughed when I opened my inbox. Exactly, as I expected, the organizer had mailed me expressing the inability to accept my offer since I am from a competitor college and feeling very sorry for the inconvenience, etc., etc..Wait, I am not loosing anything.

Where is the spirit of exchanging knowledge, experience, and the expertise? I am surprised by the narrow mindedness of some of the so called educators.

Back home, we find a sense of pride, satisfaction and meaning in helping each other. We even go to the extent  of helping newly coming colleges in setting up all the facilities. I mean all.  Yeah, there is competition but in a healthier way.

Somehow, the intellectual part of my mind is unwilling to accept this in the name of culture.

Is it a sense of insecurity?  If so, we will have issues in producing open minded younger generations. The society and the country will suffer from inadequate intellectuals.

I hope not.

A rainy evening in Kuching...

Rain, in this hot, hazy weather is so welcoming. I like rain. Its so different here. The difference is not in the rain, don't be confused. But in the impression it leaves after the downpour.

Few things that surprises me:

• You can't find pools here and there on the roads blocking the traffic. Excellent drainage system. It would be hard to believe if someone tells you that it rained so heavily and the roads were flooded. I can only wish that the drainage system really works like this in Indian roads, especially in Chennai. For ever, there will be Public Works Department digging roads for no reason. Unimaginable and unbearable.  If I am not wrong, Chandikar  has a perfect system, the only city which was constructed after a plan. The rest? God knows, some are still developed..its present progressive tense. 
• People: They don't really care whether it rains or doesn't rain, except people like some of us. Since they know the rain, or they are used with this unpredictable timetable,( wait, this unpredictable is becoming predictable these days. When you know the weather is unpredictable, you are predicting that it is unpredictable!) So, they are onto their missions. 
• Astro: Since it is raining, since I am locked up inside, I have to end up with two things: Internet and Astro. But still, I am not sure of one thing - technology.  In three months time, I changed the router twice. And TM Net takes its own sweet time to fix it. So, switched off. Now left with only one option- Astro. And guess what? 'Services currently unavailable' this is what you will see on the screen. Why is this interruption in the telecast?  How come there is no latest technology to do something about this? I am really wondering. I couldn't watch the full movie "Things we lost in the fire" though I got the story line.  Its a different case in India. The interruption is in the cable itself..trees falling down.. power cut...etc, etc... 

Eventually the rain stopped around 8.00 pm, as I predicted. I took a long walk to feel the rain and its chillness. Of course it was refreshing, very.

My table topic Speech at Azam - Who is the light of my life?

Azam Toastmasters Club is my favorite club in Kuching. I have  been missing the club meetings at Azam for sometime.

This morning I received a call from one of the Azam members, a respectful lady who I admire, for her courage, confidence and straight to the point- directness. I like her speech evaluation. Very analytical, she wouldn't care to roast you in front of a group of people. She said she missed me. (sounds nice) And I myself felt that I should get out to get fresh air. So I went. I wasn't intending to do any speech or any role, it was just a sudden plan.

When  I entered, Usman, our MBA student was giving his speech. After his speech was the break followed by table topic session. Sue was the table topic master, so I expected a nice session. It was, at the end.

Steven was given a topic on Solar Eclipse. He has a unique way of approaching table topics. He could be so imaginary beyond any one's comprehension He started the story started with Sun,  moved onto Moon and ended up  with moon cake festival. It was really entertaining. The  purpose of table topic is to make people to speak something and if possible make the audience laugh. And he did both.

Next was mine. Who is the light in my life? I took few seconds to figure out. My  mind was working on two things:1. Trying to figure out who is the light and trying to wake up from the evening nap. (golden rule: don't take a nap before any meeting for that matter- Zombie-dangerous) I managed.

Who is the light in  my life? I can't pinpoint one or two who could possibly be the lights in my life.  My dad and mom, obviously. Also, some  friends. They left an unforgettable mark in my life. There are traces of them in me. I am glad and I am fortunate to have some very very good, genuine friends. At every stage, I met one or two. And they mean a lot to me.

My lights? They - Plural.

Do right things, Always?

"Always do right things: this will gratify some and astonish the rest" Mark Twain.  You can find this quote in my office. Two evenings back my debaters came to my office to collect something and one of them read this aloud and said- do right things.

Well, what is right? anything that is not wrong. Then what is wrong? Anything that is not right. Can anyone define right and wrong exactly the way they are? I bet, No. For some wrong is right, and for others right is wrong.

Now, this is not about the definition of right and wrong. But the consequences of being right. Wait, I am there..

• you may have to face a lot of oppositions...
• you will be left alone(in most cases)...
• you will be described as a difficult person....
• you may not find honest feedback or criticisms(remember, criticisms help you to grow, and again, it depends who is criticizing you) 
• and so on...

This is something to do with our ethics, moral principles and values that we hold in our life or which defines our life. And to me, there is no right or wrong. Our actions should no way disturb others. Or at least we must take responsibility of the actions.

Yeah, we can't be always do the right things(Mitch- this is for you and me) when the world is filled with wrong doings, what difference does it make with one person doing the right thing?

But then, before I left my office, I looked at the quote and read it to myself - Do the right things always and let me not care about others....

Relationship is all about...

After much contemplation I am writing this.

Roughly three weeks ago, in one of the busy mornings, I received few text messages from one of the acquaintances, and, as a response my head was spinning for few seconds. I didn’t reply any of the messages, the whole day.

Later in the evening, there was a call from the same number, wanted to talk to me. Over a cup of lemon juice in one of the popular hotels, he said it. And I laughed,  I couldn’t help it.
"Why me?"
"Well, you are brave, outspoken, open minded, good looking for your age and friendly. (don't you know you shouldn't talk about age to ladies?)

How on earth some people have the guts to talk like this to someone whom you do not know? There is no familiarity between us. No friendship was established. Nothing, except for a very few casual talks here and there. All of a sudden from the deep blue sea!  I was shocked and surprised by the audacity and the boldness.  I explained and declined.

Last week, there was an exhibition in the college and I went to have a look at it. I met Divine and Micheal King. They are my debaters. We were talking and somehow the topic landed on relationships.  You should be ready to discuss any topic when you are with Micheal. He can take you from Obama to Greenland and to any possible topic. And so it happened.

This is what I observed from our discussion.
Relationship is fun, time pass, contract, open, convenience(you will find more in my blog on this) and the unbelievable reasons - adventure, obsession, insecurity, loneliness, sadism, and perversion.

Be Aware:

• Simply because you see/saw/ hear/heard a girl with someone doesn't mean she will be fine with you. Mind you. You are NOT that someone. 
• Don't misinterpret boldness, or you will be in trouble. 
• Don't mistake friendship or open mindedness as green signal. 

Gone are the golden days when relationships were healthy and they were the source of encouragement and inspiration to reach higher ambitions in life.

Now? FUN- the magical word behind all the unimaginable, idiotic things happening in the name of relationship.

A friend of mine was defending that age difference doesn’t really matter when comes to have relationship with older women.  He also challenged me that there is no law in the past.  I am not into debate. There is a reason why things are like this. Why do you want to break that law of nature? OK, even otherwise, there must be good intention when involving into a relationship. If you are into it, go ahead and good luck.

While dropping me back home, he argued that we don't have to follow this age sealing simply because it was set and followed all this while. You may be right.  But what is the possibility of commitment and long time relationship? Oh, why do you have to commit when you treat this as your pass time? And the life style of changing your partners every month or every few months?!!

At the end of our conversation, Mike defined relationship as SICK.

Is it Public Speaking or ????

Sometimes I am confused with Public Speaking and Drama Competition when I listen to some speakers in Kuching. No offence, please. I just came back from area level Toastmasters competition.

Though I am not a veteran in public speaking, as an observer, as a learner, as a lecturer of public speaking, as a speaker to some extent, I think I must share my opinions by the way public speech is defined in Kuching.

There is an overdose in the use of delivery, body language compared to the content of the speech. Body language, delivery must synchronize smoothly with the speech. For example, if you want to say that someone is dancing, you don't have to illustrate your speech by dancing. Or, when you want to say someone has jumped out of the window, you don't have to jump out of an imaginary window, by kicking the stage with a bang, making everyone laugh, turning the speech into a laughing stock. Only kids will do this in story telling or in drama competition. But sadly, I see this in public speaking by adults. I wonder who started this trend!

What is even more surprising me is, the judging. Speeches with full of actions and loud noises are given first and second places, except for very few extraordinary speeches.

Last month, I was talking to my colleague, and he is also a lecturer in Public Speaking. He said that his daughter couldn't make it to the finals because she couldn't act well!

I have been judging public speaking competitions for few years at different occasions. Even the school students tend to follow this rule. I believe they are practised that way.

Watch some of the famous speeches and observe the speakers body language and delivery. Their speeches will move the audience but not the speakers.

I am not totally criticizing. Sorry, don't get me wrong. Kuching does have good speakers whom I like and admire, but only a few. The one unforgettable, remarkable speech I listened in all my six years in Kuching was by the former MAS CEO Idris Jalal. Simply Superb! I felt I was in India. I was gifted with an exposure of excellent speakers, thinkers and intellectuals. Now? I am deprived.

It is a commonplace to use unparlimentary and sexist words in public speeches. Some speakers can't avoid mentioning sex in almost every speech they make. Why would you to mention sex unless the situation demands you to do so? I wonder.

We are the brand ambassadors of Toastmasters International.. So, Let us................

Integrity?- What does it mean?

I encountered two questions related to integrity, today. I was busy this afternoon while Ika sneaked into my office. After I was done with my work, she asked me, “Miss Sentha, what is the difference between a true enemy and a false friend?” This is the one thing I like in Ika. The curiosity. She has the curiosity which I seldom see here. I explained. Again she asked me, “Which is better?” “Of course, a true enemy”. Then we were discussing for a while, and left for another meeting.

After school, I came home. The moment I entered the house, Grace stopped me with a question. “Sentha, how do you know if people are sincere to you?” I paused, while wondering few things. Ika’s question flashed my mind. I replied, “When you don’t mean what you say in other words when your actions don’t reflect your words”. “Anything?” I asked. As a reply, “That’s why I don’t make friendship with people easily,” I knew something was not right. I didn’t ask her any more.

Though there seems to be no direct relation in the two questions, somehow I find there is an invisible thread connecting these two. In both cases there might be a hidden hurt or inexplicable bad experience. Obviously there was a disappointment in Grace’s expression.

Last month I watched ‘The Ramen Girl’ on the Star Movies. It’s about an American girl trying to live in Japan, embracing Japanese culture. Whenever she says I need this for myself, that for myself, unable to tolerate her "self centeredness" at one point, the master of the restaurant asked her sarcastically, “myself, myself, myself’?

We are living in the world in which SELF prevails everything. Time for myself, space for myself, money for myself, life for myself. How will your life be complete only with yourself?

We are ready to do anything in order to satisfy the self, forgetting the people around us, their words, their deeds, their compromises and sacrifices. And nothing matters, when only yourself matters.

What do you expect?

You either have to live with them or ignore them.

Without knowing where to go....

Last night, I jumped into my friend's car and asked if we could go for a drive. When I was asked where to go, I replied I had no idea,and I said anywhere would be fine.

Actually, there was no specific place in my mind but I wanted to go for a long drive which I like very much, which I miss in Kuching like many other things.

He laughed. We went around Kuching without any plan, road after road.(don't forget the size of Kuching!) and he didn't bother the traffic lights once or twice. "Its OK to break the laws". Are you sure? Then we picked pop corn and tried to stop at Starbucks but it was closed, we were late.

Back in my University days, we, friends used to get into any bus that we came across, and reached the final station, or sometimes got down where ever we thought, and had a cup of coffee with some light snacks and came back to the University. Such a carefree and wonderful moments! *sigh*

What would be the consequence if we were to apply the same law in our life? A sort of randomness? I Should try once.

No vacuum...

Nothing much these days. A sort of change in me, of course, for better. I am not sad and I am positive about many things.

There is no vacuum in the world. It's always filled with matter, some matter, its a different matter if the matter is good or not, but there is matter.

There is someone possibly could become my friend, a good friend. How much life is different and more lively with a good friend. Let's see.

There is a slight difference in the way I see friends and friendship. Friends are not for gossip.(three days back i read an article in which the author almost had no friend the moment she wanted to stop gossiping!) That's the reason I seem to be alone almost always. I don't share my problems to add his or her own(none of my friends know any of my problem- don't ask me if I have problems, who doesn't have?) but to give a me a feeling of solace and comfort, strength and energy, at the very thought. Of course, people do matter in one's life, I mean, good people.

You should wish me good luck this time. Amen.

The Ramen Girl

Though afternoon nap is believed to be refreshing, in my case, it is unwelcoming, mostly. It's not what you think. I don't get scary premonitions. But it is the blankness of the mind. Zombi sort of thing.

The only reason is, my blankness will bring haunting questions in my mind. Questions, questions and questions. Almost about everything. My past, present and future. And it leaves me with no concrete answer, as usual.

Today, after lunch, I watched a movie " The Ramen Girl" on the star. It's about an American girl who is abandoned by her boyfriend in the city of Tokyo, totally with little hope. Finally she finds her own way to be a part of the Japanese culture. The interesting thing in the movie is, she wants to learn to cook the Ramen noodles which is believed to be a blessing and she becomes a successor for a Japanese Restaurant owner.

Somehow, I found there was a part of me in her-identification of Self. The self which lost its vision, and the search, which, eventually gave way for circumstances to win. She was a PH.D student, ended up with cooking noodles. I remember when my father scolded me when I gave him an idea of opening a restaurant. For him, Prestige matters. I understand him totally.

After I woke up from my nap, I felt the emptiness. I planned to do few things this evening. I don't know if I could. This usually happens after a nap in the afternoon. Sometimes, you want to get out of your somberness, sometimes you force yourself, and at times you let it go and linger.

This evening, the air was filled with an echo from the movie, "along the way of my life, I forgot what I wanted". I wonder, if I could remember everything or, at least, a few?

Public Display of Affection or Attention?

I had a cultural shock when I came to Malaysia, which is six years before. One of the many is PDA. It is a taboo in my place, at least few years before, even holding hands, leaning on other's shoulder. In April 2007, when Richard Gere kissed Shilpa Shetty in public, the leftist took the matter to court and both of them ended up with a public apology.

I was shocked and wondered at the things that I encountered here.

There was a time I saw a couple totally into oblivion forgetting the surrounding, and the people around them. They came to a sudden realization of the existing world after they accidentally saw me. Guess, they were my students and it happened in the corridor of the college.

These days, whenever I happen to encounter something like this, either I pretend that I didn't see them or I just ignore them with a head nod, rarely with a smile.

Last week, we went to INTI UC for debate competition and after the event we all went to KL City planning to watch a movie. As usual, our plan failed so we ended up in Times Square, my favourite place in KL simply because of the Borders.( i bought only one book this time. :( )

We took LRT to return to Nilai, and the train was not crowded and Pius and I managed to get seats after few minutes. There was a couple in front of us. The girl was leaning on the boy(man?) and I heard her telling him that she was cold and sat closer to him. He was trying to pat her shoulder (watch..i am using a decent word-pat). Don't ask me why I saw this. It was happening in front of us, it was very noticeable for anyone since there were only few of us left in the train. Mind you, public transports have a limited space. After a while, the girl was rubbing her nose against his shoulder, etc....

I was naughty. I told Pius to take a photo of them. He is so good in taking photo without anybody knowing. He turned and asked me if taking photo of them was right. We switched roles of journalists. Journalists have the freedom of clicking anything anywhere. He asked me, " Miss Sentha, is this not invading their privacy?" I paused for a while. I looked at him questioningly but I wanted a photo of them for my blog.

He replied himself. When they exhibit their private matters in public, is it any more private? No. Exactly. You have a point and my vote is for you, Pius.

An intimate couple in real life does not have the need to exhibit their intimacy in public.

Because they have nothing to prove to the world. In contrast, Exhibitionism occurs when the couple wants to seek public attention and the approval of the society and in some cases immaturity.

And, I have a question -

Is there not a difference between private and public and is there anything much left for private? I wonder.....

My speech at Charity Night...

Three to four days back, Spiff, the president of INTIMA asked me if I could give a short? speech on charity. I agreed. Last evening, while getting ready to attend the function, I planned my speech in my mind. Since it was expected to be a short one, I didn't want to carry the speech with me. I am more comfortable in spontaneous speeches than relying on manuscripts.

I knew I would change my speech while speaking, as I always do. That's what happened exactly. This time, the change was not only in my speech, but also in my tone, the reception, and the aura.

I think I finished my speech in less than two minutes. I missed out one or two points that I have mentioned here and added one or two on the spot and I spoke fast.

Once I finished, I felt I could have delivered in a more relaxed manner. It's done!

My observations on speech:

• Though it is a short speech, it is OK to carry the written speech with you, just in case.
• Eat and rest well before every speech however short the speech is and whatever is the occasion. Think this is the only chance to showcase your skill.
• Be ready for any kind of stage setup. I had difficulty for the first few seconds because of the focus light.
• The audience was invisible, because of the darkness. You may probably feel that you are speaking to no one since there is little feedback-except for some voices or laughter.
• Don't, don't involve in any kind of unpleasant activity few hours before your speech. Unpleasant I mean anything that would disturb your mind unless you have a strong will to ignore things. (I had to call someone to become normal after an argument with one of my friends).

Note on the MC:
• Apt voice for a MC.
• Lively Comments.

However, please consider the following for future (I wish you read this)
• Please be more creative in your style.
• Don't ever call anyone by their race, group or sect. (Avoid stereotyping).
• Say something nice or positive about everyone.

There is a risk in being too lively or friendly in Public Speech like emceeing. Just be careful.

When I reached home, I was wondering how true is the statement about public speaking. 'The Speech that I wanted to deliver, the one I delivered, the one I could have delivered'. ( by someone, sorry I forgot the name)

Bits:
• June said I looked extremely good yesterday.
• Stephen asked me if he could carry me to the stage.
• The Show was quite OK. Can bring in more varieties for future events.
• I wonder when we will change our Asian punctuality.
• Wonderful effort by some. I could see the stress and the satisfaction after the event.

My Speech:
"The greatest happiness on earth lies in making others happy"
I am impressed to see these young ambitious men who are making their life meaningful by bringing smile on the faces of the less fortunate, amidst of all the distractions that this world could offer.

Charity. Charity is a virtue in its essence. Charity is often perceived as a donation or offering to less fortunate or under fortunate. Charity has different names: philanthropy, benevolence, altruism, magnanimity and so on.

But, to me, it is simple giving. Give anything that is worth giving. Give them whatever possible, money, cloths, education, help, a shoulder, and most importantly your time. You will be remembered for ever. …. At the end of the day, we are not judged by the number of certificates that we received, or by the number of awards or medals, neither the promotions nor positions that speak of us. But it is the number of lives we have touched. That is what going to define us humans.

We have a wrong conception of charity. Donating when you have more, donating when you sin. Donating someone so that you will get blessings for your future, etc, etc. No, give just for giving sake and not expecting anything in return.

And, don’t feel proud in giving. As the great poet Galil Gibran says ‘See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving" also as the saying goes..Your left hand should not know what your right hand is giving.

It is not what you give or how much you give, but it the thought of giving itself. And give unconditionally.

Public manners...

Last evening, while I was stepping of out of a nearby supermarket, I saw a car with four foreigners. Two girls and two boys. After dropping the girls off, the car was about to start, I heard a noise and turned towards them. They were talking and laughing in a high pitch. So? Wait. Soon I saw one of the girls holding her sandal in her right hand and was trying to hit the boys with a loud laughter. Immediately she got everybody’s attention.

Embarrassed by the scene, I scanned through the people around the place. Almost everyone was either shocked or felt unease.

I could sense that they were having fun over something. Fine, it is good, but not to this level. Speaking aloud in public place like supermarket itself is considered as a bad manner in some culture. Nothing much to say about showing sandals. Showing sandals to anyone for that matter is an act of indecency. You are in a foreign land. You must behave well. Your actions speak for you, to some extent, for your culture and for your country too.

You don’t have to be Roman, be a human, please.

Good days ahead???

Good days ahead?

I am careless, very careless. My Dad, sisters, and some of my friends have been warning me many times about my scattered things all over the house. These days, Nandhu has joined them. But I was sure, very sure, that I will not lose anything. And I did not, until something happened to me two months ago.

It was a rainy afternoon. I was very hungry after my class. Since it was a cold weather, I thought of having soup for my lunch. So I decided to go home. I walked up to take my scooty; I changed my mind and wanted to walk. After few steps, I paused for a while. Something told me to take my bike, and so I turned back and walked towards my bike. But I changed my mind for the second time, ignoring that something, I walked home.

I could hardly see anyone on the road; it was past 1.00 in the afternoon. It was a cold and perfect weather for a walk. While walking I was preoccupied as usual, I hardly noticed two men in yellow jackets in a bike passed by me. In a fraction of second, I heard a bike approaching me from the back and I heard a male voice asking me something. I turned towards them to answer; in a wink of an eye, they grabbed my long chain and rode away. The rest was news. (It was on the Borneo post. Good for me, my name was not mentioned!) And for the next few days, that was the talk for my colleagues. It was not about the chain, it was about me; they couldn’t believe it happened to me. That’s all.

That was the very first time I lost something in front of my eyes.
Three weeks ago, one Saturday afternoon, we were having lunch in my room while watching a movie on the star. It was quite late, almost 4.00 in the evening. I received a call from my sister who is in India. The moment I heard her voice, I knew something was not right. The following Monday I left for India.

It was a Friday evening, ten days back; I was sitting in front of an ICU with my relatives in Chennai. I received a call from Kuching. Somebody broke into our house and into my room. That’s the real shock to me. We were careless in many things. But I, or we, never thought this would happen to US. Fortunately, nothing much of worth was lost except for some cash.

In a row, one after another, things happened to me in a short span of time. Once again, I became the talk for my colleagues. Some of my colleagues and friends were worried and concerned about me and said that this would be the end of my bad time, and perhaps it’s time for some good change. This evening while walking down to the lobby, I bumped into a fellow Indian who also echoed the very same.

There was conviction in their voice. And, I take this as a prophecy. After all, who doesn’t want a good change? Amen.

Sales training speech..

Yesterday was the time to test my speaking skills. It was exactly one year since I did my last speech at the Toastmasters Meeting. Yeah. A long gap.

I wasn't sure if I could do my speech until 2.00 pm in the afternoon and the meeting was at 4.00 pm. Once decided, I paused for a while and took a deep breath. Will I make an impression or not?

I believe public speaking is not only about speaking confidently but also about making impression.

So, with the help of a cup of hot coffee, in less than 1 hour I managed to prepare seven slides. Since it is about sales training, I prefered to have it on slides.

I thought I could only hit 10 or 15 minutes, so I discussed with my speech evaluater and we agreed to have the speech for 12 to 15 minitues. Safe.

Mine was the last speech. By the time I finished the introduction and landed on the main topic, I saw the green lights. The red light was there soon and was on until I finish. And I took 20 minutes and 40 seconds. I didn't realise and never thought.

There are two things: I could bring the best out of me under stress. And I have a good skill that I can invest.

Now, no time to pause before my next project, I have to run...if possible, double the speed.

Aerobics and me...

You need energy. You need energy even to burn your calories. Don't ask me why do we have to burn and gain again and burn again. It's like that.

I have not been concentrating on food nor on my vitamins these days. Mind is preoccupied with a more important issue than food and vitamins. I didn't realise that it will affect my health. Today was the fourth day of my class. After the warm up session, I felt week, and my legs started to tremble. Oh man!. I wanted to sit and take a breath atleast for a second, but I changed my mind and continued. That's me.

The hall was full. Some were perfectly following the instructor. Though lost the rhythm, some managed to move their hands and their legs. Nobody bothered about anybody. Complete focus. Some want to loose weight, some want to sweat.

Along the way I noticed, it is very easy to loose focus and get stranded if you look at others not minding your business. I mean exercise. I felt the difference.

There is a lesson about life hidden in aerobics. Do you see anything? I think I just realized and I like it. I mean aerobics.

Didn't care to...

Today was a pretty different sunday for me...I did few things that I usually don't do on sundays. I prefer or I avoid going out on sundays, especially during day.

Since I have started developing interst in aerobics, I wanted to give a try. The timing was too odd. Afternoon 3.30. Who on earth will go outdoors? Definitely not me. But I did. Three reasons: Compulsion, fitness..(look good:)) and the plan of changing my defined sunday.

I realised, first, its very easy to sell anything here if you are smart (in selling). The movements are a mixture of school days exercise, yoga, poco poco, and cha cha. Second, there are people out there making the world move unmindful of the scorching sun, unlike sentha. (What to do: her skin is damn sensitive to sun!)

All of a sudden, I couldn't bother to do few things. A friend of mine messaged me if I could be visited. didn't reply..maybe didn't care to. Another friend of mine messaged me if I could join him for dinner..didn't reply...After reaching home I saw few missed calls..didn't call anyone back..didn't care to?..may be.....

I scream at my only one of my friends whenever my phone is not attended. The answer, most of the time, is: I am away from the phone. And you know the tone and the hidden message..yea I didn't attend your call, so what? cann't be bothered attitude. Cool headed.

Today I was in the same mood. Didn't care to....after all the sky didn't fall on my head....

Soul's search

I have always been alone. Being alone means being myself. And I have been myself since my schooldays. In spite of being surrounded by many good friends, I was surrounded by a sudden solitude. I have the magical gift of being all by myself in the presence of many, even in the company of close one. And I have been even recently. It’s just a part of me.

What would you call this? Search for truth? Search wisdom? Search for Serenity? Or whatever. My soul has been searching for something and something else, always. It never failed to search. An undefined and an endless search.

Whenever I am overwhelmed by something or by someone my soul will withdraw quietly from all its connections and look inside. To some extent my soul was successful in its search. Few times my soul ignored to see inside and let it go just like that.

And a very few times, my soul did not search for anything. Now, when you are not looking for something you may infer like this: you have the thing that you want or there is nothing that you want.

Lately I realized that in my recent past, there was stillness and my soul was in one of its tranquil state.

Did my soul succeed in its search? And, was the attainment of the search real? As an observer of my own life is, the answer is: then it was, now illusion: a deep sigh.

My soul is never tired of its search, never tired of its results.

And I know, in pursuit of the something, my soul may not find its fulfillment to the fullest.

But the saga of the search has started once again, ever before.

Nothing much..

It has been a while. I wasn't very busy but I was occupied with many things. I realised the gap only when I looked at the calender. And some of my friends were asking me for updates.

Sometimes I am tired of updating. Not only updating my blog, but of everything..whats the big deal in life. "Philosophically" speaking life is nothing but a bubble.

There is nothing new in anyone's life, its all open secret. Its our perception that makes the difference.

Now, you wonder, what am I writing here. I donot know. Today I am a kind of out of focus...feel messy..all over...

Fatimah said that I have changed after my trip to Ipoh. June and Mitch, do you see any changes?

We are all changing, evolving every second....every nano second...but we donot change but remains the same. Contradicting? That's life.

Before I make you crazy with this blog...I'll better sign out....

My next station??

In life, we know where we are heading to. Almost. Its like getting into a bus or a train. If you don't know your direction, you wouldn't get into the bus, train, or whatever, in the first place.

Its direction, not destination. Sometimes, for some reasons, some of us, get into a wrong bus or get a ticket to a wrong place.

Or sometimes we tend to look at the distractions and loose the track, totally.

Along the so called journey of my life, I wanted to stop at few stations. I have stopped at few stations. I wanted to stay longer at few stations. I wish I didnot stop at few stations, very few stations.

But it's all about moving....

For an unknown reason, I have stopped here. I donot know how long would I stop here. I wonder how and which would be the next station.....

I will let you know...until then..

Cosmic Energy..

Many a time, i have wondered when i received an invisible help, an ear, a hold, a shoulder at my desperate situation without asking anyone. And, I have wondered how could it happen. We are all connected, bonded with each other by an unknown power: the cosmic energy. It works very well for me.
These days i am a bit down in sprit and today inexplicably bad. Things were out of control. I was depressed and in desperate situation. Not knowing what to do, not knowing who to talk, (you cann't talk everything to everybody), tired of the mental suffocation, i left my room and went for a walk.(as usual midnight, just finished). I almost finished my walk and i bumped into someone who has been trying to befriend me for some time. After engaging in a short conversation, i disconnected myself and i came back. I saw there were two missed calls from two different persons within a short gap of 2 minutes. One was from KL and the other was from New Zealand. Since i wasn't there to pick up the calls, they left messages in the box....they just wanted to know how i was doing...if I was ok...etc, ...etc,...
My walking encounter, phone calls, messages everything happened in a short span of time, less than ten minutes...the time when i was in trouble, was waiting to let out my agony.
What surprises me still is: I didnot call anyone to tell anything about me..i didn't even think of them today....they do not know what i am undergoing...but they came to help me silently...One thing i have noticed: the people who we think are close to us generally don't help us when we are in distress. Well, nothing much to say about them.
The connection with the cosmic is magnificent, and miraculous. It knows what we want, when we want. All I have to do now is to watch and wait silently. Let the supreme energy guide me and take control over me. Amen.

Too many things and too little time...

I have a list, a long list of "to do things". This is not your ususal day to day "to dos". Seriously speaking "to accomplish". I wanted to accomplish a lot in my life before i reach what i am today. (don't crack your head to know my age. Age doesn't matter as long as matter doesn't age).

Loved music instruments. When i was young i was crazy with guitar...credit to Illayaraja..later piano....credit to classical movies..Few years ago, i started my piano class..for some reasons, dropped. (still love to learn, i may..). Recently, i started taking guitar class...though not very regular to class..i do play some notes....

Loved to learn classical dance(Bharathanattiyam). My mom was a classical dancer..a classy woman... She didn't want me to learn anything she knew..bad...well, she had her own reasons....then tap dance..influence kamal hasan...downloaded few from youtube..shd wait and see...recently ball room dance...again....

Wanted to learn French and Spanish...so sad..in future? God knows.

Learnt yoga and meditation, no time to practice...not an excuse..serious...wht to do?

Liked, like gardening..my plants are longing for my fingers soft touch...hope they donot curse me..someone stole their time...

Want to exhaust all the good books in the world...includes..classical literature, philosophy, psychology..kant, hegal..freud...etc..etc..(my professor warned me not to study psychology but i did to some extent..)..When i started reading (not studying), i thought the best way to make my life meaningful is reading..i did to some extent..i still do....lock myself in a quite, peaceful room and read..(should make sure i have someone to feed me)

My cousin and i planned to finish our doctor studies together: hers is medicine while mine is doctorate....Now she is a doctor and i ????

A friend of mine asked me if i ever thought about exercise..(am i getting healthier???) of course, who doesn't want to be fit? Walking is so dear to me..these days only sometimes..that too at midnight..just finished..

The list goes on...
I know. "prioritize". Fine. When everything is important in its own way how to prioritize?

The list makes me tired sometimes. But i want to...am quite ambitious..want to know everything possible..but recently, only recently i realized that my curiosity has faded...mhumm....

Wait. This does not mean i have not accomplished anything..few that i have never ever thought of.

Now, what to do? The same friend told me, sentha listen to your intuition. LISTENING: Read..reading...and observing my life as someone who knows but who does not know...

Does this mean i should take life as it comes like a small leaf drifted in the natural flow of river, or?

As usual I am letting the infinite intelligence to guide me. Amen.

As long as matter does not age..

After school, Grace and i most probably will have a little chat on the day's influence over us...sometimes we may not see each other for days together..(happened to stay at the same house!)

Last evening, we, the debaters, planned for a night out...nothing much....just dinner... I prefer the company of my debaters for various reasons..one important reason is: i find that we are in the same page....very comfortable to talk and discuss anything with them than with most of my colleagues!? interesting? It is.

I was telling grace about the plan....and grace said, " its ok sentha, as long as matter does not age you can hang out with them, whats a big deal?" I burst into laughter...very true...reminded me of a lot my secret and outspoken admirers.

In my mind and heart i am only in my mid twenties, (wonderful, memorable days!). Beginning of last year, sometime in Feb, i went into a hysteric laughter when a student of mine told me that he likes me and loves me. Don't ask me if i reciprocated...

So, the moral of the story is: As long as matter doesn't age..what the heck...Grace is right..

Of all these years...

I never wanted to miss you, i never thought i would miss you, but i miss you now.

In recent years the first time i realised that i miss u was when i went to KL last week.

Life is and will be totally different if you are around me.

The second time that i realised that i miss you was whn i was in singapore soon after my Kl trip.

And the third time, i realised i really miss you is today.

Today we had a gathering, dinner. I felt your absence.

My life would have also be different, if you were with me, and i donot have to go through what i am experiencing right now.

Life did not play a fair game with me.

Relationship of Convenience

My day breaks with a cup of hot coffee. It so happened that I had to join a group of colleagues that I do not normally sit with. (I am choosy in the company as I am in many other things). For some reasons, the topic of discussion(?) landed on the young guys dating girls(ladies?) older to them. The guys are very much ok with it. One of my colleague said that this is so common these days and what she saw in KL was quite shocking and surprising. The reasons given by my colleague were true though it sounded stupid.
1. Money. Older ladies have secured monthly income; she is very useful for your pocket money which you can use for other girls (what do you call this?), buying new clothes, book your flight tickets, (oh man i bet you must be lucky) etc, etc
2. She may likely to have a good transport, however small the car is, in some cases smaller the better.
3. Washing clothes, cooking, doing all the servant work….wait, nothing more is meaningful than this for girls for her man who truly loves and deserves. I heard that a guy is so particular in girl friend whichever place he goes to help him with cooking, washing, cleaning, etc. When I heard about him, I couldn’t help but to pity him!

Recently I was watching history channel. The Empress of Russia, Catherine, was so fond of having young lovers one after another,(was it dating?) after the death of her husband. Well, that was a royal business and nobody else’s.

So, this is not new. Ever since the human kind exists this strange or weird(whatever) relationship also exists.

But there is a difference. The percentage and the purpose: these days the percentage is higher comparatively and the purpose is very obvious: convenience.
Some of the untold rules of the guys of today are:
· As long as I am with you we are the centre of the universe, and you are everything to me. But the moment I am out of your sight, I am not your business or botheration anymore and do not ask where I am, what I am doing.
· I will do anything at anytime I want to do. You shouldn’t care about it.
· I will call you only when I want to call you.
· I will see you only when I want to see you.
· I don’t care if you have something called heart or feelings. To quote june (B……t), it’s your problem.
· I won’t commit anything to you.
Personal is personal: When you two love each other, what is the personal matter, unless you have something else in your mind?

And the list goes on and on…

Fine, life is all about companionship as my friend said once (not to me!). Don't manipulate the companionship for your selffishness.

Life, to you, may seem to be entertaining, but its not fair to hurt the innocecnt souls who are ready to do anything for you by trading off their love.

Because, life Is a fair game!

Are we temperamental?

Today i planned to go to bank, and to telecoms only if the weather co operated. It was too hot in the morning, and it was cloudy in the afternoon. In both cases i would not dare to go. Malaysian sun(not son) is unfriendly to me..piercing me with its intensive rays...(3 years back i used to go out on saturdays to satok market..at the end i started developing rashes.....long story short..doctor advised me to stay indoors only..how i wish i had someone who cld help me with my bills and with my lunch, not even a friend(boy or girl, who cares!)) so i decided to go in the afternoon. But the weather has suddenly changed, dark clouds, i could predict it was going to rain heavily....one funny thing is there is no season and you cannot be really prepared...so after seeing that..i was forced to cancell my plan..thinking of that i made a casual remark to my front seat colleague," this weather is unreliable", guess what he said! In a very dramatic tone and with a dramatic gesture waving his hands from left to right and then right to left, "should i say, that this weather is temperamental like women". Ouch! are we really temperamental??

Life is an illusion...

Life is an illusion, Geetha says.

yes i have read it a long time ago and understood wht it means.

then why did i make big fool of myself to possess you, all of you, to myself, only to myself....?

was i possessive or childish?

guess what?

everything came to a sudden stop the moment u said you are leaving....

and i realised onething

i was trying to see the illusion as reality

was it really an iullusion or real?

i never knew..never ever knew its going to be like this...

how do i look like?

When i was in school some said i looked like a malayalee(big ear ring and curly hair)

When i used to go to church some said i looked like a christian(rc)

When i was working in a muslim school some said i looked like a muslim(when i forgot my third eye)

When i came to malaysia some said i looked like malaysian indian

And today when i was trying hard finding my way out of a shopping mall an old man said i looked like a sinhalese

well, people fit me with their own convenient race and religion and

nobody said i look like a human?!

Its better not know to everything....

Something popped up when i was high(serious Air Asia) about my chat with my colleague...

Its better not to know what your kids are doing when they are away from home

Its better not to know all your spouse activites n friends

Its better not to know who your partner is hanging out with

Its better not to know who is misscalling your daughter at mid night

Its better not to know whats your colleague's salary is

Its better not to know why your boss is favouring someone

Its better not to know why some students like you

Its better not to know why some people are weird

Its better not to know why some people crave to look sexy even at their forties n fifties

Its better not to know how your future would be

because

Its better not to know everything around you.....

Before i continue with my Sabah expedition, an interlude...

What do we call people who make mistakes repeatedly, and never learn their mistakes? "To err is human" I donot think so. who will forgive you if you loose money every year a certain amount?

It happened to me, it is happening to me. I always think that i am unlucky when comes to ticket booking, especially air ticket. There was a time, i think 4 years back i booked a wrong date..guess what, it was air asia, you will never get your refund..(question, am i saving money?) My friend was so mad at me and asked me if i was really educated. Good God! Another time, I missed a flight from KL to Kuching, exactly ten minutes late, the flight took off and I broke into tears.....why does this happen to me, to me only?
Eversince, i made sure i had somebody with me to book the ticket, to check the time date etc. Before last year, for some reason..i did not book my return ticket from KL to Kuching until the i took off...(wht a gut or how careless?)I flew in Business class by Mass....A class treatment which is a different story.....

Wait the story is not over yet. Last year, it was not air asia, it was Indian airlines...i realised my flight time and date was exactly the day i was supposed to travel..guess what..i cancelled and booked again..I was not ready to take off from india..it was so sudden to know that you are flying that particular evening...links of events....I rebooked air asia..connecting Kuching..

DID I learn from my mistakes?

No, what happened to me last week? It's a long plan of visiting Singapore, since the price was very reasonable, since air asia is flying straight from Kuching to S'pore, since you donot have spend double flights, I planned and booked. Guess what? I forgot to get my visa...(India does not belong to ASEAN) there are only four days from my Sabah trip to Singapore. I approached all the travel agents, they said..so sorry miss..cannot take risks (people here are too scared to take risks..in my case everything is risk!) ok..now what to do?

I booked my ticket again from Kuching to KL and from Kl to S'pore....i am taking off tomorrow night to KL..........

So, is there any moral in this story...yeap....1) I always spent extra when I meant to save...2) I have never learnt anything from my mistakes.....and in future? who knows...?

Cosmic Energy..

Many a time, i have wondered when i received an invisible help, an ear, a hold, a shoulder at my desperate situation without asking anyone. And, I have wondered how could it happen. We are all connected, bonded with each other by an unknown power: the cosmic energy. It works very well for me. These days i am a bit down in sprit and today inexplicably bad. Things were out of control. I was depressed and in desperate situation. Not knowing what to do, not knowing who to talk, (you cann't talk everything to everybody), tired of the mental suffocation, i left my room and went for a walk.(as usual midnight, just finished). I almost finished my walk and i bumped into someone who has been trying to befriend me for some time. After engaging in a short conversation, i disconnected myself and i came back. I saw there were two missed calls from two different persons within a short gap of 2 minutes. One was from KL and the other was from New Zealand. Since i wasn't there to pick up the calls, they left messages in the box....they just wanted to know how i was doing...if I was ok...etc, ...etc,...My walking encounter, phone calls, messages everything happened in a short span of time, less than ten minutes...the time when i was in trouble, was waiting to let out my agony. What surprises me still is: I didnot call anyone to tell anything about me..i didn't even think of them today....they do not know what i am undergoing...but they came to help me silently...One thing i have noticed: the people who we think are close to us generally don't help us when we are in distress. Well, nothing much to say about them. The connection with the cosmic is magnificent, and miraculous. It knows what we want, when we want. All I havet to now is to watch and wait silently. Let the supreme energy guide me take control over me. Amen.

Sabah

Finally we made it. After a few weeks of struggle, our teams finally took off to Sabah. Few observations about Sabah: 1. the roads are slightly narrow compared to Kuching. 2. the city is slightly crowded: its neither empty(Kuching) nor congested with racing human heads(KL), just trying to prove its existence: a fine balance. 3. Its really foreign: a lot of adventurours tourists whose passion is to explore all the islands around sabah. I understand there is an island only for tourists who wanders around naked, and i was told not to go there, simply becuase i was alone. (so sad, should i get a companion for this? i wonder) 4. It has kina balu mountain on one side and south china sea on the other side, so it is a long strech of city..we walked walked walked to and fro to find some good food(of course for me!). 5. people are friendlier than kuchinglites, cars waited for us to cross the road, 6. The city is quite clean, neat and beautiful(if you have mountains and beaches why not?) the govt is taking so much effort in making the plcae likable,(if tourism is the one main income, then what else?) and so on and so forth....

Today morning was unusal for me, i woke up early around 6.30? (late riser), went to temple, the weather was perfect, neither sunny nor rainy, just perfect, so i went did some stuff that i normally postpone to last minute....it was good to see people busy making their life...somewhat meaningful..so did i!!!!

My dip in the sea and the lessons of debate: continued, tomorrow..........now need to sleep.......

humble rahman, excited n cool Kate and my midnight walk

Should I say humility? Modesty? I donot know, that's what occured to me when i watched the Oscars a while ago. No cries, no long list of thank yous, ( i remember, once there was an actor thanked the whole list of people he knew, good for him, he spared his dog and cat), just two simple, clear poetic statements, rahman is my favourite: Made your mark!

The next was Kate, gorgeous Kate...now slightly shrunk..(oh, scarry old age!?)..but still amazing...amidst her sobs..she asked her dad to whistle from whereever he was.....so cool..and guess what.. right next second..her father whistled....the spirit.....but then long list of...................................

It's past one(mid night) and i have a strange habit. Taking walk at midnight..i find a connection with the infinite. No disturbances, no horns, only a sizzling sound of leaves or sometimes dripping of water....a sort of stillness, quiteness .......it reminds of the things that i have left undone...the more i think, the more i walk...night is cooler than day..perhaps it is free from human breaths?? I wonder..........

Finally........

Fianally I have created my blog. Nothing interesting in this..but the interesting thing is the person who inspired me to blog. Guess who? Its Mitch.......

Who said only teachers can inspire? these days it is the other way round....I am a bit late comparing some, I am too fast comparing some other..whatever..its never too late...

Rest later..