Its hot. Unbearably hot. Its understandable that I am sleepy this afternoon. Yet I am trying to do anything possibly that i can do in order to avoid my nap. I don't want to get into that habit. I am doing nothing. Yet I am busy and I have no free time. Not free enough to do anything I like to do. Like reading my favorute book, thinking, or updating my blog. Talking about reading, it's been months since I read anything solid. Finishing the entire Hindu itself becomes hard most of the days. Having learnt from my past experience not to question the present, I am allowing myself to go through whatever I am destined to go through at this phase of my life. Well, no regrets though there, certainly, are some complaints.
I fill up my time and myself with BBC, HBO, Star, The Hindu and Internet so that I don't miss too much of myself. But still, there are some aspects of me is lost, I guess. I hope I can revive them as I am reviving those few others that I lost long time back.
Trust me; this is the first time I am here at my native since I was four. We moved for another place due to my Dad's transfer. I was only a visitor all these while which makes things even tougher. Getting to know people and thier attitude requires more time, energy and patience. I am biting my tongue on many occasions. Straightforwardness or directness doesn't win many things here. Also, timeframe doesn’t work. People are at their own pace.
Frequent power cuts freak me out. Power cut in this summer? Ridiculous. And Assembly election is round the corner. Who, in the right frame of mind will suggest this power cuts at this election time? Unfortunately people are not that serious to think about power cuts. They are so used to it. So sad. They are looking for better freebies from the parties. And of course, I am under house arrest. I am scared (!?) to go out in the evening. Yeah, repeated unpleasant happenings on the way to the neighboring town, small though, scares me away from going out however urgent and important the task is. Well, I still want to live for few more years at least :)! And 'my guardian angels' - my people - are preventing me from going out. Self choosen role. No harm in giving them the happiness. I recalled what our lawyer said - you are your guardian.
If Gandhiji was alive today, I probably would give him a teaspoon of sugar, if not some Bengali Sweet. Yeah, Villages are the real faces of a country. Well, for the sake of something unknown, I should refrain from saying anything negative about it. I will have no regrets of not living in a village setup. Well don’t ask me if it were a life to be or not to be missed. I really don’t know. Certain experiences are unpleasant and unwelcoming. By facing them you have nothing to learn/lose.
Besides the routine, I am learning to make some new items in the kitchen, like pickle. My adopted son, a cat, and a dog are my companions right now.
There is one person who would certainly feel happy with my presence filled in this house is missing. And I do ask myself why was I not here when I was needed to be here!?
