I don't know. I really don't know. Well, when I say I don't know some of my friends refuse to trust me. And I don't know why. There are a lot of things I don't know. And at times, I don't want know anything.
Two of my friends have commented that I am fond of 'I don't know' and 'nothing'. Perhaps they are right, I don't know.
Sometimes it happens. You have nothing to say or you don't want to say. And there shouldn't be any reason, it just happens. Like now..I don't know why I am writing this.
At work, 'I don't know' can save your life, I mean, your job, especially if your job is your life. At conflict, it may save your relationship with your friends and loved ones.
I prefer to be a 'I don't know' person. Sort of self imposed ignorance. It really saves my energy than explaining a whole lot of things to some people who knows everything that I say or I mean but pretends to know nothing. I don't know why they have to behave such a way.
There are few things that happen in our life happen without us knowing why they happen. You don't want to act or react in a particular way but you just do. Is that impulse or spontaneity? Its kind of late when you realize.
There is a saying which goes like this; Know everything but pretends to know nothing. Is this right? I don't know.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Unfair of life...
Life is never fair. Unexpected ups and down. Inequalities and imbalances. Ambitions with limitations. Gifts with restrictions. Undoubtedly, life is not fair. Well, Life is as such. With the least exceptions, most of us don't get what we want. We get what we don't want.
The unfair treatment of life. And, when I say life, it is the totality of life and not the bits and pieces of life. If you think, it is work, it is. And if you think it is life, it is. Right from the Omnipresent and down to anyone, everyone is unfair. Or they are selective. When they are selective, they are not totally fair. No absolute fairness as there is no absolute truth.
In every phase, life offers you with a variety of unjustifiable, unreasonable demands and expectations. It also leaves you with unreasonable and unjustifiable means to reach the ends. And those who mind the means don't mind the end, those who mind the end don't mind the means. Incredible! I only remember what my student once asked, "Is there any fairness in this world, Miss Sentha?" Rightly asked. I just smiled.
And the struggle continues. Struggle to reach this and that, struggle to create a balance and never to reach the fairness. In the course of achieving anything in a justifiable manner we find ourselves at the losing end. We lose few things; people, values and principles. A while ago, a friend of mine said, "we will end up losing some people in life at some point in time, so it is okay to lose". He is right. I am bothered about how I loose them more than the fact of losing them. To me, means matters most.
Life is never a fair game. You can't do much about it but to get used with it. "Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing that it is not" as Oscar Wild says.
The unfair treatment of life. And, when I say life, it is the totality of life and not the bits and pieces of life. If you think, it is work, it is. And if you think it is life, it is. Right from the Omnipresent and down to anyone, everyone is unfair. Or they are selective. When they are selective, they are not totally fair. No absolute fairness as there is no absolute truth.
In every phase, life offers you with a variety of unjustifiable, unreasonable demands and expectations. It also leaves you with unreasonable and unjustifiable means to reach the ends. And those who mind the means don't mind the end, those who mind the end don't mind the means. Incredible! I only remember what my student once asked, "Is there any fairness in this world, Miss Sentha?" Rightly asked. I just smiled.
And the struggle continues. Struggle to reach this and that, struggle to create a balance and never to reach the fairness. In the course of achieving anything in a justifiable manner we find ourselves at the losing end. We lose few things; people, values and principles. A while ago, a friend of mine said, "we will end up losing some people in life at some point in time, so it is okay to lose". He is right. I am bothered about how I loose them more than the fact of losing them. To me, means matters most.
Life is never a fair game. You can't do much about it but to get used with it. "Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing that it is not" as Oscar Wild says.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
In the realm of Silence....
It has been a while since my house is filled with silence. Or quietness. Well, when I say my house, it is not just my house alone but also me. It has been a while. We have a new house mate and she happened to be from my own state. We speak the same language, I mean, the language to communicate. So, I have to talk. Though it is only once a day or twice, I feel that I lost my freedom of not speaking anything at all. Besides, some frequent meetings with people and office work added to the feeling of loss of freedom of silence. How sad?!
Silence - absence of sound(s) or absence of noise(s). Well, there is a great distinction between sound and noise. And is there any place on earth which is filled with absolute silence? I wonder. Few weeks ago, I attended a three day meditation retreat, which I was wanting to do for some time. It was in Matang. The first day, I found it difficult to follow the instruction, "quite please, we are in retreat" and "maintain silence at all times". Though maintaining silence was not a problem at all, speaking in a lower voice was undoubtedly hard, considering my teaching profession, at least the first day. At the end of the third day, I discovered that there was not much of difference, for me, to be at home or to be at retreat center, in terms of maintaining silence. I mean, at home, I am almost quite until, except for one or two phone calls or none, sometimes to find my own voice sounds different to me.
In Hindu religion, there is so much emphasize given to abstinence from speech. Hindu scriptures say that Rishies used to meditate without a word uttered. Not just one day or few days, but months or years together. Absolute silence. Every religion has this practice. They all teach us to be quite in order to listen to "inner voice" or in some cases to find, "inner silence" to be in tune with the divine. Well, all the noises that are heard in the head are not inner voices!
However, there is always din in the mind. Though achieving silence can be physiologically successful by some means, achieving the absolute silence of the mind is impossible unless thinking stops occurring. To quote Osho, "man is imprisoned by words, man's whole problem is language..." Talking is irresistible to some of us. The rattling sound. I keep my office door mostly closed. Perhaps they have never tasted the bliss of quietude or solitude! Is silencing the mind possible? Well, maybe. When the mind goes from conscious level to unconscious level. Total blankness of the mind. I have experienced it very few times. An incomparable and preeminent feeling.
I am not a person who indulges myself in talking. I prefer to be quiet, or silent. And that's the reason I have left with only very few friends. I can switch off TV, and internet or any thing that makes noise when I just want to be myself. I remember, once I traveled with a friend in a bus in Trichy, and we did not talk to each other during our travel and the highlight was we realized that after we got down from the bus. Well, we both understood and appreciated each other's understanding. And, just two days back, I was joined by the new house mate for my late night walk. We were talking, I fell into a deep silence without my knowledge few times with few occasional "mm, mhms", and she came back to her room while I continued my walking. It so happens that after some point in our life, talking is not so much necessary. And communication can still take place through silence.
There is noise all around. In all forms. To be quite, to be still, or to be silent, all the activities should be stopped including thinking. I know I am talking about the impossibilities.
I came across a review of book, "The Unwanted Sound of Everything We Want" in which the protagonist tries to find the real silence that he wants. Well, I am yet to read the book. There are two more books on Silence, " Noises off" and "In pursuit of Silence". I should look for the books.
One thing I have realized about silence. It helps me to discover more about me. The more I talk, I feel, the more I am moving away from myself and from the universe.
In silence, I am what I am...
Silence - absence of sound(s) or absence of noise(s). Well, there is a great distinction between sound and noise. And is there any place on earth which is filled with absolute silence? I wonder. Few weeks ago, I attended a three day meditation retreat, which I was wanting to do for some time. It was in Matang. The first day, I found it difficult to follow the instruction, "quite please, we are in retreat" and "maintain silence at all times". Though maintaining silence was not a problem at all, speaking in a lower voice was undoubtedly hard, considering my teaching profession, at least the first day. At the end of the third day, I discovered that there was not much of difference, for me, to be at home or to be at retreat center, in terms of maintaining silence. I mean, at home, I am almost quite until, except for one or two phone calls or none, sometimes to find my own voice sounds different to me.
In Hindu religion, there is so much emphasize given to abstinence from speech. Hindu scriptures say that Rishies used to meditate without a word uttered. Not just one day or few days, but months or years together. Absolute silence. Every religion has this practice. They all teach us to be quite in order to listen to "inner voice" or in some cases to find, "inner silence" to be in tune with the divine. Well, all the noises that are heard in the head are not inner voices!
However, there is always din in the mind. Though achieving silence can be physiologically successful by some means, achieving the absolute silence of the mind is impossible unless thinking stops occurring. To quote Osho, "man is imprisoned by words, man's whole problem is language..." Talking is irresistible to some of us. The rattling sound. I keep my office door mostly closed. Perhaps they have never tasted the bliss of quietude or solitude! Is silencing the mind possible? Well, maybe. When the mind goes from conscious level to unconscious level. Total blankness of the mind. I have experienced it very few times. An incomparable and preeminent feeling.
I am not a person who indulges myself in talking. I prefer to be quiet, or silent. And that's the reason I have left with only very few friends. I can switch off TV, and internet or any thing that makes noise when I just want to be myself. I remember, once I traveled with a friend in a bus in Trichy, and we did not talk to each other during our travel and the highlight was we realized that after we got down from the bus. Well, we both understood and appreciated each other's understanding. And, just two days back, I was joined by the new house mate for my late night walk. We were talking, I fell into a deep silence without my knowledge few times with few occasional "mm, mhms", and she came back to her room while I continued my walking. It so happens that after some point in our life, talking is not so much necessary. And communication can still take place through silence.
There is noise all around. In all forms. To be quite, to be still, or to be silent, all the activities should be stopped including thinking. I know I am talking about the impossibilities.
I came across a review of book, "The Unwanted Sound of Everything We Want" in which the protagonist tries to find the real silence that he wants. Well, I am yet to read the book. There are two more books on Silence, " Noises off" and "In pursuit of Silence". I should look for the books.
One thing I have realized about silence. It helps me to discover more about me. The more I talk, I feel, the more I am moving away from myself and from the universe.
In silence, I am what I am...
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