In the realm of Silence....

It has been a while since my house is filled with silence. Or quietness. Well, when I say my house, it is not just my house alone but also me. It has been a while. We have a new house mate and she happened to be from my own state. We speak the same language, I mean, the language to communicate. So, I have to talk.  Though it is only once a day or twice, I feel that I lost my freedom of not speaking anything at all. Besides, some frequent meetings with people and office work added to the feeling of loss of freedom of silence. How sad?!

Silence - absence of sound(s) or absence of noise(s). Well, there is a great distinction between sound and noise. And is there any place on earth which is filled with absolute silence? I wonder. Few weeks ago, I attended a three day meditation retreat, which I was wanting to do for some time. It was in Matang. The first day, I found it difficult to follow the instruction, "quite please, we are in retreat" and  "maintain silence at all times".  Though maintaining silence was not a problem at all, speaking in a lower voice was undoubtedly hard, considering my teaching profession, at least the first day. At the end of the third day, I discovered that there was not much of difference, for me, to be at home or to be at retreat center, in terms of maintaining silence. I mean, at home, I am almost quite until, except for one or two phone calls or none, sometimes to find my own voice sounds different to me.

In Hindu religion, there is so much emphasize given to abstinence from speech. Hindu scriptures say that Rishies used to meditate without a word uttered. Not just one day or few days, but months or years together. Absolute silence. Every religion has this practice. They all teach us to be quite in order to listen to "inner voice" or in some cases to find, "inner silence" to be in tune with the divine. Well, all the noises that are heard in the head are not inner voices!

However, there is always din in the mind. Though achieving silence can be physiologically successful by some means, achieving the absolute silence of the mind is impossible unless thinking stops occurring.  To quote Osho, "man is imprisoned by words, man's whole problem is language..."  Talking is irresistible to some of us. The rattling sound. I keep my office door mostly closed. Perhaps they have never tasted the bliss of quietude or solitude! Is silencing the mind possible? Well, maybe. When the mind goes from conscious level  to unconscious level. Total blankness of the mind. I have experienced it very few times. An incomparable and preeminent feeling.

I am not a person who indulges myself in talking. I prefer to be quiet, or silent.  And that's the reason I have left with only very few friends. I can switch off TV, and internet or any thing that makes noise when I just want to be myself. I remember, once I traveled with a friend in a bus in Trichy, and we did not talk to each other during our travel and the highlight was we realized that after we got down from the bus. Well, we both understood and appreciated each other's understanding. And, just two days back, I was joined by the new house mate for my late night walk.  We were talking, I fell into a deep silence without my knowledge few times with few occasional "mm, mhms", and she came back to her room while I continued my walking.  It so happens that after some point in our life, talking is not so much necessary.  And communication can still take place through silence.

There is noise all around. In all forms. To be quite, to be still, or to be silent, all the activities should be stopped including thinking. I know I am talking about the impossibilities.

I came across a review of  book, "The Unwanted Sound of Everything We Want" in which the protagonist tries to find the real silence that he wants. Well, I am yet to read the book. There are two more books on Silence, " Noises off" and "In pursuit of Silence". I should look for the books.

One thing I have realized about silence. It helps me to discover more about me. The more I talk, I feel, the more I am moving away from myself and from the universe.

In silence, I am what I am...