I am trying my very best to disconnect myself from
the news. Some sort of despair, fear, shock, sense of loss, engulf me. And I
never thought I would write this. But ever since Mdm. J.J was hospitalized,
especially these few days, I tend to look at few online sites for updates as
often as possible amidst my work. Even after everything is over, I am still
keep checking on the news. I could not resist doing that though many times I
forced myself to do it. Why does my attention go without me knowing or allowing
it?
I don't belong to
her party. I am a common man, one of the many simple, unnoticed ordinary
citizen who happened to be under the administration of Mdm JJ. Except for her
movies (a great admirer) and intelligence, I never watched her, followed her.
However, I am surprised to find myself sitting in front of TV for the entire
day, I changed my dp, updated my status. I took a walk thinking breathing a
fresh air would help me in collecting my conscious back to normality. As I came
back, the thoughts or everything I (we) saw on TV about Mdm. J.J dominated the
thoughts again. I keep myself engaged in different physical activities hoping
to come out of it. But, it is impossible to engage the mind with the current
work when the mind is already occupied with something greater than that.
Why do I so much
feel depressed and lost? It is not that the theory of subconscious mind inclines
to sad news to feed itself, nor, is the fact that the impact of visual is
greater, but it is something more and it is difficult to explain the pronoun
"something". Her charisma, boldness, will power, persistence,
confidence, knowledge, decisiveness and what not? - some of these or all of
these attracted people all around the country. She proved to be successful by
making people miss her irrespective of political difference. They all feel
connected to her because either they shared, with some degree, some of her
traits or they wished they could have had it!
This morning, it is
being reported that the state is coming back to normality but, yes, normality
with a sense of heavy feeling and shock- shock of reality - could she also be
no more?
