What does Mdm.J.Jayalalitha mean to me?

I am trying my very best to disconnect myself from the news. Some sort of despair, fear, shock, sense of loss, engulf me. And I never thought I would write this. But ever since Mdm. J.J was hospitalized, especially these few days, I tend to look at few online sites for updates as often as possible amidst my work. Even after everything is over, I am still keep checking on the news. I could not resist doing that though many times I forced myself to do it. Why does my attention go without me knowing or allowing it?

I don't belong to her party. I am a common man, one of the many simple, unnoticed ordinary citizen who happened to be under the administration of Mdm JJ. Except for her movies (a great admirer) and intelligence, I never watched her, followed her. However, I am surprised to find myself sitting in front of TV for the entire day, I changed my dp, updated my status. I took a walk thinking breathing a fresh air would help me in collecting my conscious back to normality. As I came back, the thoughts or everything I (we) saw on TV about Mdm. J.J dominated the thoughts again. I keep myself engaged in different physical activities hoping to come out of it. But, it is impossible to engage the mind with the current work when the mind is already occupied with something greater than that.

Why do I so much feel depressed and lost? It is not that the theory of subconscious mind inclines to sad news to feed itself, nor, is the fact that the impact of visual is greater, but it is something more and it is difficult to explain the pronoun "something". Her charisma, boldness, will power, persistence, confidence, knowledge, decisiveness and what not? - some of these or all of these attracted people all around the country. She proved to be successful by making people miss her irrespective of political difference. They all feel connected to her because either they shared, with some degree, some of her traits or they wished they could have had it!

This morning, it is being reported that the state is coming back to normality but, yes, normality with a sense of heavy feeling and shock- shock of reality - could she also be no more?