My Coffee craving....

It's a calling from the brain....not from the tongue. You can certainly avoid yielding to your tongue but not the calling from your brain....because it affects productivity which is all about my work, my reading and my writing.

I just finished my lunch. A typical simple south Indian sambar and potato fry with a small piece of murukku. Soon after I finished my last gulp, I felt like having coffee, strong hot coffee.. my friend was laughing at my urge to have coffee at this time..for many people coffee after lunch is odd. I am sorry, they may not know what it means!.

I don't follow any routine when comes to coffee. I take it when I feel like having it...that said...there are times that I skip it too...like yesterday evening. Mostly I prefer filter coffee except for very rare occasions. The mixture of coffee and milk has to be proportionate and I don't add water in the milk. I prefer pure milk...the decoction has to be freshly made. I bring coffee powder from my native town..from a very famous brewing shop or Green label from Bru. I still remember the aroma of Ipoh White Coffee.

Trust me, coffee can do wonders to you. It is a secret recipe... to start a conversation....to keep the friendship together. It provides a luxurious space for yourself with no disturbances and takes you to your own self. Try taking coffee at a nice weather preferably sitting next to window overseeing the world or greens or water around you...you will know what I mean. You can savour the world as you savour the coffee.

It's only 12.40 here..and the weather is slightly better ..windy since last few weeks... I don't know why on earth only Chennai is so hot and dry...I feel like having coffee at my desk and do my reading or writing..or whatever I am doing which is a luxury that is not offered here.

While walking back to the department with a cup of coffee...a colleague of mine in the lift said he was obviously surprised by my idea of taking the coffee to the department..he said that I am the second person he sees someone who carries coffee and prefers to have coffee at the desk. He was obviously confused with the idea. By the time you walk back to the place, the coffee would get old.

I have great fans for the coffee I prepare. Many times I am disappointed that some good restaurants do not offer good coffee. And, I am happy with my coffee craving. It is a green signal that my mind or brain is ready to work... People keep telling me to avoid it.. something beyond imagination. My day breaks with a strong super filter coffee..taken at my convenient pace. There are even times I go for the second cup soon after I take the first one if the first one is not soul fulfilling. There is a lot behind the science of coffee craving..later ..after my coffee. 😋😋

Being a woman...

I am not a feminist.  I am not a non-feminist. I am an individual who believes that men and women are differently born- biologically, emotionally, physically and psychologically and are here, either by choice or by chance, to fulfil different roles in society.

Recently, Women's Day was celebrated with much pomp and gaiety all around the world.  Proliferated activities and events took place: Women's strike in Spain, Me Too movement in South Korea, first ever march in Pakistan and so on.  There was a variety of competitions in schools and colleges, and awareness programmes on women safety and honouring of women towards their contribution etc. to mark the day.

While it is encouraging to see the recognition and appreciation for women's contribution in their respected fields, it is equally important to understand the nature of women. It is not easy to be a woman; be it a career woman or homely woman (housewife). It requires a lot of sacrifices, compromises and losses.  These are, most of the time, to make others happy. Of course, there is no doubt it gives a sense of accomplishment in the contribution. But, it should be within one's own limitations.

The society is unfair. It expects women to work more and take a dual role or multiple roles.  It is too sweet to tell women that they are multitasking, multifaceted, dynamic and so on only to extract work. Alas!..the women are too naive to understand and keeps trying to be the pillar of her society, whatever it may be.

However, the world is different.  Everything is said and done in men's perspective, men's utility and men's convenience.  The world has seen strong female personalities and leaders in the past and continues to have them in the present.  Men understand them and accept them inferior or precisely 'chooses' to be so. It is clear from the point of student's answer to a question which requires him to write a definition of a 'washing machine'. I was shocked to find his answer- "second wife".  What an attitude about women! How is the student going to respect his mother, sister and understand his wife?

The fear of accepting women as they are with their smartness and the intellectual qualities stems from the insecurity of men and the deep down desire for domination. Men expect women to sweep the floor than to fix a computer despite the fact that he knows she is better at fixing the computer than the man.  Trust me, it takes a great courage to accept women for who she is. They fear women for her strong willpower. Men tackle them in any of the two ways: physical or mental assault. Poor men!

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and are born to complement to the world with a unique purpose in life.

Day Two -2018

It's 10.pm now. My day started at 6.15 with my travel to Kodaikanal and still continues towards Chennai. Out of 24 hours, I think I am travelling for at least 18 -19 hours! I know, you might be surprised at the spirit of my travel. But my close aides worry about it and keep reminding me of my age. My professor asked me yesterday how do I get the energy to travel and if it is not tiring. I replied, "Maybe, the moment I stop travelling I stop living". The reply was spontaneous.  And today, when I was telling my travel schedule to Arun he asked me,"How old are you ma?" I know.

Most of my travel is on work or study. But I make it interesting. Today while I was travelling back to Madurai from Kodaikanal, I realised how things changed in the way I travel.  I stopped reading much, I prefer audio video free buses. I prefer to be myself, thinking, observing, watching and enjoying the present moments that pass by. My next seat neighbour, the driver or the conductor, the open space that pass by fast interest me more than anything these days. 

What does Mdm.J.Jayalalitha mean to me?

I am trying my very best to disconnect myself from the news. Some sort of despair, fear, shock, sense of loss, engulf me. And I never thought I would write this. But ever since Mdm. J.J was hospitalized, especially these few days, I tend to look at few online sites for updates as often as possible amidst my work. Even after everything is over, I am still keep checking on the news. I could not resist doing that though many times I forced myself to do it. Why does my attention go without me knowing or allowing it?

I don't belong to her party. I am a common man, one of the many simple, unnoticed ordinary citizen who happened to be under the administration of Mdm JJ. Except for her movies (a great admirer) and intelligence, I never watched her, followed her. However, I am surprised to find myself sitting in front of TV for the entire day, I changed my dp, updated my status. I took a walk thinking breathing a fresh air would help me in collecting my conscious back to normality. As I came back, the thoughts or everything I (we) saw on TV about Mdm. J.J dominated the thoughts again. I keep myself engaged in different physical activities hoping to come out of it. But, it is impossible to engage the mind with the current work when the mind is already occupied with something greater than that.

Why do I so much feel depressed and lost? It is not that the theory of subconscious mind inclines to sad news to feed itself, nor, is the fact that the impact of visual is greater, but it is something more and it is difficult to explain the pronoun "something". Her charisma, boldness, will power, persistence, confidence, knowledge, decisiveness and what not? - some of these or all of these attracted people all around the country. She proved to be successful by making people miss her irrespective of political difference. They all feel connected to her because either they shared, with some degree, some of her traits or they wished they could have had it!

This morning, it is being reported that the state is coming back to normality but, yes, normality with a sense of heavy feeling and shock- shock of reality - could she also be no more?

Changing Preferences... Changing Perspectives....

I was in the kitchen getting ready with vegetables for cooking my lunch. I put carrots, beans, lady fingers, white pumpkins and tomatoes into a vessel and put them under the tap for wash. I suddenly realized that how in recent years carrots and tomatoes dominate the most part of the vegetables that I buy, especially carrots. The freshness and the colour immediately get my eyes - a vegetable (few others) that I disliked in my school days! Most of the part of my education was from hostel and my school education was from a Christian Institution. They had their own menu and preferences in vegetables which you may not like (or least I didn't) and I don't know if they still do it. Yet, I do credit my school for many good things I received.

I am surprised at my own changes and  preferences. It is not just carrots or food but many other things. I don't exactly know the point I realized that carrots are good for health and it is good to have colourful food. I don't know when I started preparing colourful sambar (curry) with multicolour vegetables and I don't know when I stopped listening to music that I was once desperate about nor do I realize the last time I enjoyed having lunch alone at work. I don't even realize when was the last time I engaged in a carefree conversation with whoever I encountered.

Whenever I was at home, I used to sleep listening to Illayaraja's melodies and there were times that I kept the radio close to my ear and listen till midnight or early morning until my father had to turn it off with a scolding next morning.  Listening to songs was so irresistible and I don't know how many cassette players I used to buy and record according to genres, singers and other preferences. Now, I am trying to remember the last time that I did any of them, except occasional listening from Jaya Max or while travelling. It is not just listening to Illayaraja but Vivaldi, Mozart or Mariah Carey. However, I do, at times, turn on the radio, but it rarely gets my attention.

I was very jovial, noticeable in my school and college days.  I remember I was the same even in my early career. Now, I speak less, I avoid looking at people so as to avoid talking, I speak only to a close circle of people. I am withdrwan, but I prefer it this way.

I always liked to have my lunch at work alone, alone with the company of a book or my system (but still reading). But in my current work place I allowed myself to eat with few of my colleagues which is not me.

Lot of other things changed, mostly unconsciously.  It is a surprise that our preferences change over time without us realizing. I sometimes think that this may be due to our changing perspectives of life. I don't know. May be. The reasons are unclear and unsure but the change in the preferences brings out the unkonwn 'us' from us. 

Waiting .... .... ....

     I have been waiting and I am waiting.  I am one of the few who hates waiting. I can't wait. I just don't have the important ingredient of waiting,

     It's really irritating to wait. Especially, when you know that the clock is ticking and you can't wait anymore. But, life is like that.  You just have to wait.  Circumstances make you wait. You can't run away from it. And of all the waiting, waiting for bus is the most terrible thing to do.

     I have to wait another at least one hour for the bus to leave the college. Yesterday, I waited for almost two hours to board the bus.  Then I have to wait at least one hour and odd to reach home. (I wish I could just be airlifted to where ever I want to go.)

      It's the environment makes me crazy more than the wait. It is the physical unconducive environment leads to mental discomfort.  It's extremely and sickeningly hot, sultry and sweaty.  I could feel the heat waves. The place where I was sitting yesterday was noisy and suffocating. everything added to the irritation. My evening was spoiled with sever headache followed by tablet, etc., etc., All Nonsense.

      But I was surprised to see people around me don't seem to be bothered at all by the wait nor by the heat. I wonder.

      I wish next time, I could decline the offer of travelling during summer and be comfortable where I am or where ever I am.  Yeah, the pain of waiting can be eased with the company of a good book or with some good music,  but it is not always so.

     I have to wait for the bus, for the days...for the weeks....for the years.....

     Oh!  Waiting for the wait to be over!

A Slave...

As I sat at the corridor waiting to go home, I looked around. There was a bunch of NCC students taking training to get the right co ordination of their posture. (Nobody cares to get the right coordination of mind, body and soul). Straight to where I was sitting was a lady, one of many servants, meticulously working. It was a rainy season and it had been raining since morning. The entire car park was cemented and it was full of rainy water. The floor was uneven.  She was clearing the floor by using sponge. She spread the sponge on the floor, let it soak with water and collected in the bucket. The funny thing was, she knew, I knew, the man who was supervising her knew, and everybody who was watching her knew that she was doing an impossible work, for one good reason. It was still raining and the floor would be filled with more and more water. Her hard work is futile. But she just had to do it. She had to do it because a) she was not given the choice and freedom to tell that her work was a waste of time, b) her boss would be happy to see her busy with some work, c) she would not have any other job if looses this.  Any one of these or all of these. 

And it is not just about the servant. It is about me, about you, about everyone who has to shut our mouth, pretending to be dumbs.  We just do not know why we do many things that we do in our workplace. It's nothing but nonsense. The idea is nonsense, the work is nonsense - (does not make sense), the attitude is nonsense. The attitude of the superior is nonsense. It is so irritating to see a boss whose intention is to make people work in a hard way in spite of the fact that they are aware of the smart way. One such boss told me once, "it's O.k...let them do it...  or else they will be simply sitting". I was shocked at the attitude.  The bossy attitude reminded me of the olden days task master who watched over his slaves at the farm. 

I wonder why do the superiors behave the way they do at all levels (mid and top management)? Aren't they supposed to be leaders in stead of bosses? 

And God, When will I work for an intellectual?