Tired...

Tired. Sudden feeling of tiredness. Everything seems to be still as if someone controls everything. Why would I ever bother about these things? What do they have for me? Experience is not a thing when it is earned wrongly at the cost of my time and my values. There is no debate about it. Because some experiences, struggles are not worth your time. Sometimes you will find yourself in a place where things are not right, and you find that you can't do much about it though you know how to fix it. It just doesn't work. Ridiculous!

How would you feel when you are living a life which is not meant to be the way it is? I just felt like giving up. A friend of mine told me yesterday not to give up until all my options are exhausted. My dear, I am too tired to think of anymore options. I don't mind if you can think for me...

Oh, well. We must be positive. Yeah, the end of the dark tunnel is the light. But, how could you possibly know how long it is going to be to see the light? And what if you collapse on your mission to reach the light? I am naturally a positive person.  Somebody said today that I am a go- getter. To some extent, his observation is right. When I look serious, down and tired, there must be something wrong, seriously wrong. The best thing that you can do is to give me my space. Or give me company for a movie or a dinner. You are doing a great help. Well, though movie and dinner can be anything, the company must be the right one, not to add to the stress. And, talking of movies, we watched Robin hood last night...craziest time that I ever had in Kuching. 


Mental, psychological, spiritual, physical and what not sorts of tiredness. Though those elements seem to be different, they are related to each other. When one is tired, the rest will be so, unless they function on its own or they belong to a different body. 


Who knows how long this will go on? As someone suggested, I could take a break, unfortunately, it will be only from work. 


And, I am too tired to continue this and so I am signing off...

In denial ...

"An unconscious thought process whereby one allays anxiety by refusing to acknowledge the existence of certain unpleasant aspects of external reality or of one's thoughts, feelings,etc." This is dictionary's definition of  the word denial.
"How long have you been staying in the house?"
"I don't know"
"What?"
"Yeah, rather I don't want to know",
I was surprised with the above. That was between my colleague and me. He justified. My curiosity grew.
"Ok, how long have you been working here?"
"I don't know"
"Oh Ok" Though it was an expected answer, I was surprised again, because I know the way he considers his profession. Well, "I don't want to know". "Why?" "Oh well, you know the ..." "then you shouldn't be here in the first place!" I cut him off. I was too frank. We laughed with the truth. Truth of the statements and  the truth behind his reason.

"Do you know how old are you?" "Well, unfortunately, yes"...interesting. Interesting to know the nature of our mind. And its convenient use of accepting and rejecting facts.

Denial - A defense mechanism coined by Sigmund Freud, was originally intended to refer serious medical conditions or as fatal as death. As language is never static, the meaning of denial has transformed and  is being used loosely, too loosely, I would say.

You are fat, you are dark, and you are less attractive. But how could you be? You supposed to be slim, fair and beautiful and attractive, aren't you?! You love someone so dear, but you don't want anyone know about either you being in love or about the person that you are in love with? But why not? You are working in a place in which you are stressed, but you don't want be there. You can neither accept the fact that you are still there nor reject the fact that you still have to work! Isn't it sad?

Well, the list could go on to pages. But why do we have to deny a fact? Fear of facing the reality? Unless the reality is too harsh!

I think, we are consciously training our mind to be unconscious to forget, to reject and to deny certain inconvenient truths of our life.

A trained mind would accept anything that comes across, however harsh it is! Or rather it should. A trained mind is a matured mind.

And in denial, the maturity is denied.

How old are you?

Yeah, it is an old adage. You shouldn't ask a lady about her age and a man his salary.  But still they do. Wanting to know more than they are supposed to know.  Well. A friend of mine asked me how old I am. I replied him with a question; which one you mean?

There was obviously silence for a moment and asked me back, 'what do you mean?' Sign of clear confusion. I explained.

Body, mind and soul and which one are you referring to? I gave each one different age and told my friend to take an average.  He was surprised and said, he liked the way I answered.

Following this, it was our Critical Thinking class and we were discussing about eliminating fallacies when decision making. It was about consumer behaviour and whether or not age influences buying certain products.  One group defended by supporting even retired ladies would like to have a fashionable handbag and put on make ups in order to look young and the other group said young girls are carrying relatively bigger handbags these days and age doesn't matter but the trend. Well, two things from the discussion. First, when retired, or rather old, ladies or men try to look young, as some of you think, it is not abnormal but they are in mid age crises. This crisis affects almost all people at one point in time and the age differs from individual to individual.  Second, I also notice that young college students carry relatively bigger handbags and technically the size of a travel bag, to quote a student from my MGT class.  And the conclusion is age does matter in determining the purchasing behaviour. And we drew instances from real life and a student of mine asked me how old I am. I repeated the same I did with my friend but with a change. My soul is ageless.  In this case, the game of average doesn't work. My student replied with a smile, "Miss, you are very very young, considering your thoughts". Here you go!

Well, why are we so obsessed with age? How many skin care manufacturing companies in the world are making money out of our ignorance? How many local and international brands are competing with one another? Of course, looking good leads to feeling good. Both are very essential.  But still?  I just happened to look at someone relatively closer and I noticed few layers of campact powder on the face. Every hour an aditional coat! I really tried hard to hide my laughter. A mirror and a compact powder overtook a dictionary or some job related essential items in the workplace. Also, a plate full of ice cubes for the face to refresh and rejuvenate the cells! My Goodness!

Coming back to the body, mind and soul matter, yesterday I attended a business presentation and was enlightened by something. Our body has two different ages. How come?!

One  is biological or calender or chronological age and the other one is gene age or the age of your gene. Well, there is research. It says some people look younger compared to their real age and vice versa and the determining factor here is: the gene.

Now, there is a new industry tapping into the technology; by turning the gene to look young. Its more of going to the roots and fixing it than the surface, the face. (No big secret, eat lot of Vitamin C, by the by, have you ever wondered why only vitamin C makes you fairer?)  Well, as usual, this may be welcomed as this era is crazier than ever in investing our resources in looking young or younger than supposed to be or needed to be.

Well, if someone asks you about your age, ask them back, which one are you referring to and tell them genetically you are younger; at least it might make you feel good. And forget about mind and soul, who cares for them, anyways?

And, keep the craziness justified...

Thinking aloud!

You are surprised? I was. When Suzanna came to my defense. Read aloud, talk aloud, what is this think aloud?  It was one of our open days. I didn't realize that I said I was hungry few times, aloud, until Mr Tay pointed out. Or, rather, he complained that I was self proclaiming. She said, "No Mr Tay, Sentha is thinking aloud!".

Though overtime on weekends is unlikely, sometimes it helps you with a better environment to know your colleagues, on a lighter note, more on  a personal note. So, get the best out of it, stop complaining. :)

I have a habit. I think aloud. Sometimes.  Or Depends. I didn't realize that it was thinking aloud until Suzanna identified it. We laughed at the new terminology. Later I checked online, yeah, there is a technique 'think aloud'.

It is very psychological. Its like talking to yourself. But aloud. Imagine this; you are in a place, you have friends around you and you are telling them you are hungry, you are bored and so on. Your saying is the outcome of your thinking. Or, your saying is the next step of your thinking. When you think, you have two options; option 1) Say it out if there is somebody to listen to you, 2) Keep it with you, even if there is someone to listen to you, in which you are being non expressive.

Upon option 1, you still say things aloud, but there is nobody to listen to you. In this case, who are you talking to? to yourself? or to the wall? or to whatever is there around you? Are you not talking to yourself, but aloud?

Researches say that when thinking aloud happens verbalizing tend to be slower due to the cognitive process which takes place in the brain. But, I don't think so. Well, we have the liberty to deny the theories. But again, it depends on the culture. I know, I have some friends from a neighboring country have this issue except for few. I used to really wonder at the amount of  time they take to process something before they speak.  Like, transmitting waves to the brain and then get it out. Sorry, I have no patience for them! I am pretty fast. I have a multi layer mind. Its not a big deal, visualize. You can get it!

To some extent, I interpret,  all the wall posts on Facebook are think alouds!