a desire ....

"If the desire to write is not accompanied by actual writing then the desire is not to write" Hugh Prather.

I found the above line in Amitabh's blog. Yes, Amitabh Bachan. His blog is one of my often read blogs. He is passionate in what he is doing. Blog, for many, is scrambling. For him, like me, its more of talking to oneself. I wanted to be a writer when I started reading Tamil Novels, specifically Balakurmaran. I finished reading all his novels and went on finishing Jayakandan, Vasanthi, Janakiraman, Sivasankarai, Anuradha Ramanan, Sujatha and many more. I used to read until 3 or 4 in the morning and be late for morning house hold duties, got scolding from dad..thats a story by itself.

Reading, a good reading, will somehow end up in writing. Its reactive/reflective reading. You either write in a piece of paper or in your mind. The later in most cases. Its a matter of many things.  You will be surprised to find quite a number of amazing writers- mind writers, like bath room singers. I am yet to acquire the skills; the art of writing and perseverance.

I am surprised to read Amitabh's blog for main two reasons: 1. He writes everyday. 2. The time, he writes even at the late hour of the day. He writes before he sleeps. I can imagine his schedule. Despite his tight schedule he makes it a point to write daily. His command of English and style are truly commendable.

Well, I am not Mr Amitabh. Or any celebrity, who is surrounded by men and money to attend to household or daily routine. I am the man and the woman of my house and I am yet to be blessed with money which attracts people to do things for me. However, my wish to retire as a writer is getting stronger:)

Writing is one of my still-alive dreams, unless I die without writing anything at all. Who knows what life has for you! Many a times I wished to be Keats or Bharathi, who wrote at the very young age and died young. I am guilty of my empty life and I am equally unhappy about its futileness. When you look back, you should have a sense of fulfillment.

I do write, mostly daily in my mind. There are days I can't even think of anything expect the toil of daily life. Mental, physical and spiritual tiredness engulf me recently. I am also, at times afraid, I may die without producing any worth of art. The struggle of survival and the hope of winning over the struggle keep flashing intermittently.

Amen!