Relationship is all about...

After much contemplation I am writing this.

Roughly three weeks ago, in one of the busy mornings, I received few text messages from one of the acquaintances, and, as a response my head was spinning for few seconds. I didn’t reply any of the messages, the whole day.

Later in the evening, there was a call from the same number, wanted to talk to me. Over a cup of lemon juice in one of the popular hotels, he said it. And I laughed,  I couldn’t help it.
"Why me?"
"Well, you are brave, outspoken, open minded, good looking for your age and friendly. (don't you know you shouldn't talk about age to ladies?)

How on earth some people have the guts to talk like this to someone whom you do not know? There is no familiarity between us. No friendship was established. Nothing, except for a very few casual talks here and there. All of a sudden from the deep blue sea!  I was shocked and surprised by the audacity and the boldness.  I explained and declined.

Last week, there was an exhibition in the college and I went to have a look at it. I met Divine and Micheal King. They are my debaters. We were talking and somehow the topic landed on relationships.  You should be ready to discuss any topic when you are with Micheal. He can take you from Obama to Greenland and to any possible topic. And so it happened.

This is what I observed from our discussion.
Relationship is fun, time pass, contract, open, convenience(you will find more in my blog on this) and the unbelievable reasons - adventure, obsession, insecurity, loneliness, sadism, and perversion.

Be Aware:

• Simply because you see/saw/ hear/heard a girl with someone doesn't mean she will be fine with you. Mind you. You are NOT that someone. 
• Don't misinterpret boldness, or you will be in trouble. 
• Don't mistake friendship or open mindedness as green signal. 

Gone are the golden days when relationships were healthy and they were the source of encouragement and inspiration to reach higher ambitions in life.

Now? FUN- the magical word behind all the unimaginable, idiotic things happening in the name of relationship.

A friend of mine was defending that age difference doesn’t really matter when comes to have relationship with older women.  He also challenged me that there is no law in the past.  I am not into debate. There is a reason why things are like this. Why do you want to break that law of nature? OK, even otherwise, there must be good intention when involving into a relationship. If you are into it, go ahead and good luck.

While dropping me back home, he argued that we don't have to follow this age sealing simply because it was set and followed all this while. You may be right.  But what is the possibility of commitment and long time relationship? Oh, why do you have to commit when you treat this as your pass time? And the life style of changing your partners every month or every few months?!!

At the end of our conversation, Mike defined relationship as SICK.

Is it Public Speaking or ????

Sometimes I am confused with Public Speaking and Drama Competition when I listen to some speakers in Kuching. No offence, please. I just came back from area level Toastmasters competition.

Though I am not a veteran in public speaking, as an observer, as a learner, as a lecturer of public speaking, as a speaker to some extent, I think I must share my opinions by the way public speech is defined in Kuching.

There is an overdose in the use of delivery, body language compared to the content of the speech. Body language, delivery must synchronize smoothly with the speech. For example, if you want to say that someone is dancing, you don't have to illustrate your speech by dancing. Or, when you want to say someone has jumped out of the window, you don't have to jump out of an imaginary window, by kicking the stage with a bang, making everyone laugh, turning the speech into a laughing stock. Only kids will do this in story telling or in drama competition. But sadly, I see this in public speaking by adults. I wonder who started this trend!

What is even more surprising me is, the judging. Speeches with full of actions and loud noises are given first and second places, except for very few extraordinary speeches.

Last month, I was talking to my colleague, and he is also a lecturer in Public Speaking. He said that his daughter couldn't make it to the finals because she couldn't act well!

I have been judging public speaking competitions for few years at different occasions. Even the school students tend to follow this rule. I believe they are practised that way.

Watch some of the famous speeches and observe the speakers body language and delivery. Their speeches will move the audience but not the speakers.

I am not totally criticizing. Sorry, don't get me wrong. Kuching does have good speakers whom I like and admire, but only a few. The one unforgettable, remarkable speech I listened in all my six years in Kuching was by the former MAS CEO Idris Jalal. Simply Superb! I felt I was in India. I was gifted with an exposure of excellent speakers, thinkers and intellectuals. Now? I am deprived.

It is a commonplace to use unparlimentary and sexist words in public speeches. Some speakers can't avoid mentioning sex in almost every speech they make. Why would you to mention sex unless the situation demands you to do so? I wonder.

We are the brand ambassadors of Toastmasters International.. So, Let us................

Integrity?- What does it mean?

I encountered two questions related to integrity, today. I was busy this afternoon while Ika sneaked into my office. After I was done with my work, she asked me, “Miss Sentha, what is the difference between a true enemy and a false friend?” This is the one thing I like in Ika. The curiosity. She has the curiosity which I seldom see here. I explained. Again she asked me, “Which is better?” “Of course, a true enemy”. Then we were discussing for a while, and left for another meeting.

After school, I came home. The moment I entered the house, Grace stopped me with a question. “Sentha, how do you know if people are sincere to you?” I paused, while wondering few things. Ika’s question flashed my mind. I replied, “When you don’t mean what you say in other words when your actions don’t reflect your words”. “Anything?” I asked. As a reply, “That’s why I don’t make friendship with people easily,” I knew something was not right. I didn’t ask her any more.

Though there seems to be no direct relation in the two questions, somehow I find there is an invisible thread connecting these two. In both cases there might be a hidden hurt or inexplicable bad experience. Obviously there was a disappointment in Grace’s expression.

Last month I watched ‘The Ramen Girl’ on the Star Movies. It’s about an American girl trying to live in Japan, embracing Japanese culture. Whenever she says I need this for myself, that for myself, unable to tolerate her "self centeredness" at one point, the master of the restaurant asked her sarcastically, “myself, myself, myself’?

We are living in the world in which SELF prevails everything. Time for myself, space for myself, money for myself, life for myself. How will your life be complete only with yourself?

We are ready to do anything in order to satisfy the self, forgetting the people around us, their words, their deeds, their compromises and sacrifices. And nothing matters, when only yourself matters.

What do you expect?

You either have to live with them or ignore them.

Without knowing where to go....

Last night, I jumped into my friend's car and asked if we could go for a drive. When I was asked where to go, I replied I had no idea,and I said anywhere would be fine.

Actually, there was no specific place in my mind but I wanted to go for a long drive which I like very much, which I miss in Kuching like many other things.

He laughed. We went around Kuching without any plan, road after road.(don't forget the size of Kuching!) and he didn't bother the traffic lights once or twice. "Its OK to break the laws". Are you sure? Then we picked pop corn and tried to stop at Starbucks but it was closed, we were late.

Back in my University days, we, friends used to get into any bus that we came across, and reached the final station, or sometimes got down where ever we thought, and had a cup of coffee with some light snacks and came back to the University. Such a carefree and wonderful moments! *sigh*

What would be the consequence if we were to apply the same law in our life? A sort of randomness? I Should try once.