Compatibility Crisis

My Professor once advised me that I should be careful when I choose my life partner that I have to make sure that the person I am looking for is someone who appreciates literature and life in general. There was a warning in my Professor's tone.  And literature doesn’t mean just reading books. Literature is the reflection of life.  I laughed at him but I understood and agreed to his idea. Though compatibility is a matter of discussion only in relationships, I would like to generalize the term widely to anybody whoever you are with: house mate, colleagues, sister, father, aunt, son, mom, or a drive with your friend or friends or anyone who are with for some period of time or longer.  I don't dare to take a drive or walking to the canteen for a cup of coffee with a friend who is ununderstanding, unappreciative of  life.

I really missed my sister Malls when I had a cup of strong coffee at the restaurant two days back.  And you are least expected to hear " yeah the coffee is nice, so what?" when you still enjoying the coffee that you had a while ago. Brenda would understand exactly the way I felt with what a cup of strong filter coffee would do. It's a Divine Drink!  Hell, life was a living hell at that point of time. Well, I am slightly expressive, in certain things.  I express my happiness. I express my admiration.  That is spontaneity. And not everyone can appreciate the good things in the world even if they know the things are good.  People who are spontaneous and genuine are getting lesser and lesser these days.

Life would turn into a living hell if you are with a person who can't understand the little things that you enjoy and appreciate; like the gentle  breeze,  drizzle, or enjoying a nice poem. Talking about poem and reading, I have issues with people who have fundamental problem in understanding.  It takes so much energy to explain, justify what you read, what you saw and what you do anything.  And perhaps this is one of the main reasons why I am left with only few friends or to be specific, few people.  I better be alone. I need my energy. You can't demand appreciation of life in everyone around you. Now I am having compatibility crisis. Of all the crisis, this is a serious one for a good reason. In a long run you may loose yourself as I am afraid of me now.  The funny part of this is:  this is not at all a matter to them in life. I guess they are ignorant of the fact that how much it means in once life to appreciate things that they deserve and to have a compatible person as a friend, a mentor, a sister or anyone you spend your quality time with. And you can't teach a b c of this.  This is something inborn. Or it takes great energy to know, to realize and to become one which demands the greatest virtue - Patience. And the reason why no relationship - all the ships including..doesn't last long is  because of this. We have no tolerance, respect or interest for people, for their feelings, for their self.

Until that happens, the crisis will continue…

A chapter unsought

Its hot. Unbearably hot. Its understandable that I am sleepy this afternoon. Yet I am trying to do anything possibly that i can do in order to avoid my nap. I don't want to get into that habit. I am doing nothing. Yet I am busy and I have no free time.  Not free enough to do anything I like to do. Like reading my favorute book, thinking, or updating my blog. Talking about reading, it's been months since I read anything solid. Finishing the entire Hindu itself becomes hard most of the days. Having learnt from my past experience not to question the present, I am allowing myself to go through whatever I am destined to go through at this phase of my life. Well, no regrets though there, certainly, are some complaints.   

I fill up my time and myself with BBC, HBO, Star, The Hindu and Internet so that I don't miss too much of myself. But still, there are some aspects of me is lost, I guess.  I hope I can revive them as I am reviving those few others that I lost long time back.

Trust me; this is the first time I am here at my native since I was four.  We moved for another place due to my Dad's transfer.  I was only a visitor all these while which makes things even tougher. Getting to know people and thier attitude requires more time, energy and patience. I am biting my tongue on many occasions. Straightforwardness or directness doesn't win many things here. Also, timeframe doesn’t work. People are at their own pace. 

Frequent power cuts freak me out. Power cut in this summer? Ridiculous.  And Assembly election is round the corner. Who, in the right frame of mind will suggest this power cuts at this election time? Unfortunately  people are not that serious to think about power cuts.  They are so used to it. So sad. They are looking for better freebies from the parties.  And of course, I am under house arrest. I am scared (!?) to go out in the evening. Yeah, repeated unpleasant happenings on the way to the neighboring town, small though, scares me away from going out however urgent and important the task is. Well, I still want to live for few more years at least :)! And 'my guardian angels' - my people - are preventing me from going out. Self  choosen role. No harm in giving them the happiness. I recalled what our lawyer said - you are your guardian. 

If Gandhiji was alive today, I probably would give him a teaspoon of sugar, if not some Bengali Sweet. Yeah, Villages are the real faces of a country. Well, for the sake of something unknown, I should refrain from saying anything negative about it.  I will have no regrets of not living in a village setup. Well don’t ask me if it were a life to be or not to be missed. I really don’t know. Certain experiences are unpleasant and unwelcoming. By facing them you have nothing to learn/lose.

Besides the routine, I am learning to make some new items in the kitchen, like pickle. My adopted son, a cat, and a dog are my companions right now. 

 There is one person who would certainly feel happy with my presence filled in this house is missing. And I do ask myself why was I not here when I was needed to be here!?